We have identified a new disease, probably caused by a virus effecting people owned by cats. This illness apparently has been in existence for a considerable length of time.
Only recently has anyone identified this disease and are beginning to study it.
We call it the Acquired Feline Obsessive Syndrome (AFOS).
Originally AFOS was considered to be purely psychological in nature, but after two young researchers here suddenly decided to become show breeders, we, the researchers, realized that we were dealing with an infectious agent.
Epidemiologists here have identified three stages of this disease and typical symptoms.
These symptoms are listed as follows:
A. You have the early (Stage 1) symptoms if:
1. You think that any show within 300 miles is nearby.
2. You begin to enjoy getting up at 5 a.m. in the morning to scoop boxes and feed your cats.
3. It is fun to spend several hours a day playing with and grooming cats.
4. You think you're being frugal if you spend less than $2,000 a year on shows.
5. You can't remember what it was like to have just one cat.
B. You definitely have the disease (Stage II) if:
1. Your most important factor when buying a car is how many crates you can fit into it.
2. When you look for a house, the feature you consider first is how many cats you can kennel on the property.
3. Your cat food bill is higher than your family's.
4. You spend as much on veterinarians as on doctors.
5. You have no money because of showing cats.
6. You have to buy more than one vehicle a year, because you keep burning out the year or 70,000-mile warranty of your vehicle going to shows.
7. You have more pictures of the cats than of your family.
8. Your idea of a fun vacation is to hit a show circuit.
9. Most of your conversations revolve around the cats.
C. You are a terminal case (Stage III) if
1. You wake up in the morning and find out that you put the kids in the crates and the cats in the beds last night.
2. You know each cat's name and pedigree, but can't figure out who that stranger in the house is; it turns out to be your husband/wife.
3. Your neighbors keep insisting that those kids running around your house bothering the cats are yours.
4. You keep waving the feather teaser at the children and can't understand why they are not playing.
5. You cash in the kid's college trust fund to campaign the cats.
6. You've been on the road showing cats so long that you can't remember where you live.
7. Your family tells you "It's either the cats or us"; you choose the cats.
Do you have this dreaded disease? Well, there is hope. In the course of our studies we have found that most cases seem to stop at Stage II and remain chronic. We, with great difficulty, managed to acquire several Stage III AFOS patients. They are currently in our isolation wards where we are studying them to gain a better understanding of this disease.
It is a sad sight, seeing these formerly vibrant people as they shuffle around their rooms in endless triangle or L-patterns, making odd hand motions (as if holding and waving a teaser), and making chirping noises.
Merely saying the words "Jazzy� or �Arcadia" can send them into an uncontrollable frenzy. Unfortunately, there isn't much hope for these cases, but with time and further study applied in understanding this condition, we hope to come up with a cure. We are now attempting to isolate the causative agent, and may be able to develop a vaccine in the future.
An interesting sidelight of this disease seems to be that exposure at an early age has an immunizing effect. Several people afflicted with AFOS at Stage II and Stage III have close family members (children, husbands, wives) who have absolutely no symptoms of this disease.
Resistance may be a key factor in this immunity to AFOS. Having endured the annoying symptoms of living with an AFOS-afflicted individual may leave a “sour taste� in the familial relationship. Having been talked “to death� about cats and their standings may leave familial relationships with an automatic “immune factor�. Being forgotten by the memory challenged would also cause some consternation. Usually a significant other likes to have a priority relationship that does not “Kow Tow� to felid beasts. The “Cat and the Fiddle� may be a fine poem, but most family members do not like to play “second fiddle� to felines.
We, your humble researchers, are searching diligently for a cure. We want to promote the fine aspects of responsible feline husbandry, including the lure of Best In Show, without sacrificing the familial relationships that keep one grounded and healthy. With the proper protocol everyone wins, humans and felines. Relationship is for life.
Only recently has anyone identified this disease and are beginning to study it.
We call it the Acquired Feline Obsessive Syndrome (AFOS).
Originally AFOS was considered to be purely psychological in nature, but after two young researchers here suddenly decided to become show breeders, we, the researchers, realized that we were dealing with an infectious agent.
Epidemiologists here have identified three stages of this disease and typical symptoms.
These symptoms are listed as follows:
A. You have the early (Stage 1) symptoms if:
1. You think that any show within 300 miles is nearby.
2. You begin to enjoy getting up at 5 a.m. in the morning to scoop boxes and feed your cats.
3. It is fun to spend several hours a day playing with and grooming cats.
4. You think you're being frugal if you spend less than $2,000 a year on shows.
5. You can't remember what it was like to have just one cat.
B. You definitely have the disease (Stage II) if:
1. Your most important factor when buying a car is how many crates you can fit into it.
2. When you look for a house, the feature you consider first is how many cats you can kennel on the property.
3. Your cat food bill is higher than your family's.
4. You spend as much on veterinarians as on doctors.
5. You have no money because of showing cats.
6. You have to buy more than one vehicle a year, because you keep burning out the year or 70,000-mile warranty of your vehicle going to shows.
7. You have more pictures of the cats than of your family.
8. Your idea of a fun vacation is to hit a show circuit.
9. Most of your conversations revolve around the cats.
C. You are a terminal case (Stage III) if
1. You wake up in the morning and find out that you put the kids in the crates and the cats in the beds last night.
2. You know each cat's name and pedigree, but can't figure out who that stranger in the house is; it turns out to be your husband/wife.
3. Your neighbors keep insisting that those kids running around your house bothering the cats are yours.
4. You keep waving the feather teaser at the children and can't understand why they are not playing.
5. You cash in the kid's college trust fund to campaign the cats.
6. You've been on the road showing cats so long that you can't remember where you live.
7. Your family tells you "It's either the cats or us"; you choose the cats.
Do you have this dreaded disease? Well, there is hope. In the course of our studies we have found that most cases seem to stop at Stage II and remain chronic. We, with great difficulty, managed to acquire several Stage III AFOS patients. They are currently in our isolation wards where we are studying them to gain a better understanding of this disease.
It is a sad sight, seeing these formerly vibrant people as they shuffle around their rooms in endless triangle or L-patterns, making odd hand motions (as if holding and waving a teaser), and making chirping noises.
Merely saying the words "Jazzy� or �Arcadia" can send them into an uncontrollable frenzy. Unfortunately, there isn't much hope for these cases, but with time and further study applied in understanding this condition, we hope to come up with a cure. We are now attempting to isolate the causative agent, and may be able to develop a vaccine in the future.
An interesting sidelight of this disease seems to be that exposure at an early age has an immunizing effect. Several people afflicted with AFOS at Stage II and Stage III have close family members (children, husbands, wives) who have absolutely no symptoms of this disease.
Resistance may be a key factor in this immunity to AFOS. Having endured the annoying symptoms of living with an AFOS-afflicted individual may leave a “sour taste� in the familial relationship. Having been talked “to death� about cats and their standings may leave familial relationships with an automatic “immune factor�. Being forgotten by the memory challenged would also cause some consternation. Usually a significant other likes to have a priority relationship that does not “Kow Tow� to felid beasts. The “Cat and the Fiddle� may be a fine poem, but most family members do not like to play “second fiddle� to felines.
We, your humble researchers, are searching diligently for a cure. We want to promote the fine aspects of responsible feline husbandry, including the lure of Best In Show, without sacrificing the familial relationships that keep one grounded and healthy. With the proper protocol everyone wins, humans and felines. Relationship is for life.
| CSD: Cat Show Disease |
| By Wind of Special Agent Pixie Bobs Submitted, Summer 07' |
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